It is glaringly clear to me that the topic of speaking up, which I wrote long before this U.S. election, holds heightened importance now, for ourselves and for so many others.
Where in your life do you want to speak up?
For many women, speaking up is uncomfortable at best, downright terrifying, and the thing to most avoid, at worst.
What if I upset someone I love? What if I fail, no one listens, I’m ignored, or insulted?
Is it OKAY to say that?
What if my intuitions or ideas are flawed?
Is my "complaint" justified? What if I sound too aggressive?
Longstanding worries and cultural biases carve deep grooves in the subconscious and can live there until we excavate and create new firmly planted beliefs. That’s the long game – this mindset mastery can be accomplished - you have to want it and you have to be committed to practice.
We ALL have a deep need for acceptance and love - Layer on top of that the desire to put others first and whew, this feels impossible to shift, right? It's completely natural to have any or all of the above fears. In fact, they are all fears I've heard from many clients, and I'm regularly helping people shift these very beliefs.
What can we do now to speak up, to be respected and heard?
First, find the courage to start. For some people this is so accessible – they just do it. For most women thought, it feels like crawling out of a deep pit of doubts, worries, or perfectionism.
Don’t allow yourself to stay stuck in thoughts that hold you back – they will steal your precious time and attention. The first principle of personal power is recognizing that thoughts are only thoughts.
Start experimenting by taking small steps. Awkward, nerve-wracking, sweat inducing steps with mistakes FULL of learning.
A small step is one conversation you have been wanting to have, one thought to share with a loved one, or adding a comment at a meeting. If you keep stalling, write it out and rehearse it. Talk with someone who supports you.
Do you know the toddler metaphor? Babies/toddlers don’t hang around thinking, can I do this thing called walking? They just go. Fall - walk - fall -walk. They are experimenting until they get it. Of course, their drive is innate and that’s the most powerful one, but we can still draw from the baby experience. We all had that courage back then, and it’s still within you. If it feels hard to access, remember it is buried under years of experiences and beliefs.
Finding your voice actually occurs in the doing, in the practicing and learning. It’s easy to get tangled in trying to figure out how to get it right. Rest assured, there is no perfect. Think of literally anything you've become good at in your life - chances are it took a good deal of repetition to get there.
One of the absolute best books on this topic is, Cassandra Speaks: When Women Are the Storytellers, The Human Story Changes.
If the topic of women’s advancement and empowerment is in your heart, or you want a bit of inspiration, I highly recommend her book. The author, Elizabeth Lesser, speaks loud and clear about how it’s time to shift the power model in the world.
Speaking up, in a way that fits for you, is crucial if you want people to listen to you or want to impact others in some way.
I urge you – for you, for others who can learn and benefit from your wisdom, for the next generations, take one baby step right now.
Often my coaching work included strengthening voice. If you are curious about how working together will support your goals, email me to have conversation.
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