Many of my clients are interested in boosting confidence. Whether it’s confidence to speak up, do something new, communicate more directly, go for a big job, there are a myriad of situations when we want to feel more confident.
In the research, it looks like (I say looks like because in a decade it might change!) there may be a genetic disposition towards more or less confidence. The good news is that at least 50% of confidence is created by you.
Please take this in: At a minimum, you have at least 50% control over being confident.
If you’ve had, as part of your identity, a belief that you are simply not confident, rest assured that this belief is changeable.
We all create our beliefs systems when we aren’t even aware of it. After the baby stage of pure bliss, innocence, and presence, we begin to form much of our personalities in response to our surroundings. If, like many people, dare I say most, you had experiences that shook or even wrecked your confidence, they were embedded in your subconscious. Since our brains have a negativity bias - a far stronger focus on the negative stuff - the experiences that made a huge dent in your confidence can feel big. It begins to feel like it’s just you – you may have developed a belief that became so ingrained that it simply felt like, this is the way it is, this is who I am.
And by the way, you might be surprised to hear that even highly successful, very beautiful, extremely rich, and even well loved folks struggle with feeling enough. Our lack of self-love in general is extraordinarily common. You are not alone.
Here's the thing: Those interpretations you made - I'm not important, lovable, I'm easily forgotten, I talk too much, not smart enough, not good enough - that is not who you are. And, those beliefs are not fixed - you can create a state of confidence each day and right now.
Truly, this isn't just hyperbole. This is based on the last 20+ years of research in psychology and neuroscience.
I can't express my excitement about this enough. Thirty years ago in my first training in grad school, what we learned was that conditioning occurred in childhood, not throughout life. Now we know that the brain has a capacity for ongoing change, so old beliefs can be rewired and new connections made in the brain.
If you’ve worked with me in coaching or therapy, you know I believe in tiny doable steps. The small consistent changes are sustainable. And, keeping it small means keeping it doable.
Here is the hack: Rather than saying to yourself, how can I BE confident, which is a broad question, you can change how you talk to yourself, starting today.
We all have those automatic sub-conscious tapes I mentioned earlier that run us. If you want to rewire old thinking that is getting in your way, reach out, I can help you with this. In the meantime, this small but mighty hack, done daily over time, will contribute to changing your confidence by helping to shift your attention and by talking to yourself with compassion.
I AM ENOUGH.
Isn't this ridiculously simple? 3 words. Ahh, but the catch: practice.
For this hack to succeed, you must say this to yourself daily - for now, start with a small doable step... start with today. Don't start analyzing whether you believe it or why you don't believe it...
Easy ways to remember: Write it on your mirror, make it a screen saver, set a reminder on your phone.
To rediscovering your confidence,
Ellie
P.S. I never said it was easy…creating any new mental muscle, just like a physical muscle, takes attention, dedication, and time. For all of us, myself included. Are you committed to this practice?
If you're interested in getting a head start on an amazing 2023- reach out to discuss my 3 session deep dive in Nov-Dec. It's 1:1 and you will get clear on where you've been, what's holding you back, and create a fresh, bold vision for the new year. Don't wait until Jan. - New Years Resolutions don't work very well and why not get a head start?
And...
Whenever you are ready to take your growth and success to the next level, here are 4 ways to work with me:
1. Uncramp your Leadership Style. A four month 1:1/microgroup hybrid for driven women with a track record of success, expanding their leadership and putting the kibash on thinking patterns and habits that disrupt their progress. FALL GROUP IS FULL - EMAIL ME FOR 2023 PROGRAM INFO.
*Unleash your Leadership Style for our next 25-35 year old cohort also begins Jan. 2023
2. Use the Enneagram as your personal development map. I'm now offering stand alone sessions. The Enneagram is a profound tool for looking at how you think, act, and feel, and a true guide with many strategies for growth. 2 spots open in November.
3. 1:1 coaching. Tailored plans for individual needs/goals. 3- 12 month engagements.
4. Thinking partnership. Do you have a business idea, a project, or an idea? You want to strategize, brainstorm? This is not coaching - it's focused and short term, a space to work out your next big life shift.
Interested in any of the above, email me: ellielanecoaching@gmail.com