When I taught and ran groups on DBT (Dialectical Behavioral Therapy) a few decades ago, one of the emotional regulation skills that was important was simply being able to name feelings.
For people who have a hard time regulating their emotions, this piece can be a struggle – and it’s often not something we learn as kids- we learn the basics of being sad, mad, and happy. Thankfully, more and more programs in and out of schools are being created to support all kids with emotional wellbeing.
That being said, what about the emotional wellbeing of functioning and high performing adults? It turns out that many of us adults have a hard time naming emotions as well. While emotion management may not require in depth therapy, it may be worth taking a look if you have habits that aren’t working well for you. ( Hint: we all do)
Of course you know there are a whole slew of feelings beyond sad, mad, and happy which you can dig into easily if you choose – and if you google Brene Brown or Susan David and you’ll see the research on shame, embarrassment, joy, and managing emotions in all sort of regular life scenarios.
Other research in the last 10-20 years has taught us that optimism is learned (Seligman). This is great news!! Are you or someone you know a glass half empty person? With some time and attention, optimism can be developed.
What I want you to see is that when we choose to direct our lives, including tuning in to and knowing our own feelings, we get to show up how we want. We get to respond to what comes our way how we want. It's never perfect - we'll all screw it up sometimes.
We are much more powerful when we know ourselves. If you tend to err on the side of hopelessness - which isn't all that hard to do with the state of the world - tune in to that and ask yourself how you might allow optimism in.
If you tend to be stressed, overwhelmed or down lately, ask yourself where you can see and feel moments of joy. It can spontaneously happen, but when we aren’t accustomed to it, we need to put attention there purposely.
As with building confidence, practice over time is the name of the game.
Emotional intelligence has been called the soft skills in the business world, but I actually think they are harder. It's a cop out to say they are soft - as if it's weak to focus on skills of awareness, empathy, connection or grief, sadness or joy for that matter. I've seen people study computer science for a few years and get really good at it, yet others spend decades developing their emotional intelligence.
What have you stuck with that’s important to you? It was probably clear to you why it was important and there was strong feeling behind it.
What feeling can you name that you’d like more of? Maybe it’s optimism or joy, but could be anything. How are you willing to deliberately cultivate it?
To your continued success and have fun!
Ellie
And...
Whenever you are ready to take your growth and success to the next level, here are 4 ways to work with me:
1. Uncramp your Leadership Style. A four month 1:1/microgroup hybrid for driven women with a track record of success, expanding their leadership and putting the kibash on thinking patterns and habits that disrupt their progress.
NEXT COHORT BEGINS IN JANUARY - EMAIL ME FOR 2023 PROGRAM INFO.
*Unleash your Leadership Style for our next 25-35 year old cohort also begins Jan. 2023
2. Use the Enneagram as your personal development map. I'm now offering stand alone sessions. The Enneagram is a profound tool for looking at how you think, act, and feel, and a true guide with many strategies for growth. 1 OPENING IN DEC.
3. 1:1 coaching. Tailored plans for individual needs/goals. 6 - 12 month engagements.
4. Thinking partnership. Do you have a business idea, a project, or an idea? You want to strategize, brainstorm? This is not coaching - it's focused and short term, a space to work out your next big life shift.
Interested in any of the above, email me: coachellielane@gmail.com