Several years ago, I was meeting with a mentor around the holidays sharing my loooong work to-do list for year end.
"Ellie, she said, I don't know about you, but I like to slow down this time of year."
Stopped me in my tracks. I was unaware of being IN the frenzy.
What was I doing? Adding MORE to get done, when I KNEW what was most important was time with family and friends.
Putting pressure on myself - expectations of external success.
One thing I've learned for sure is,
The long to-do list is just a story we create about worth, success, happiness.
AND, here is the cool part: saying no often allows us to the create space we need for our top priorities.
Giving yourself room to breathe, to not have a calendar that is back to back, allows time and attention to create life as you want to live it.
You decide.
We know good ideas come in the shower, driving, running, or when you’re just waking up.
It's no coincidence these are moments of non-busyness, of space.
Warren Buffet said, “Really successful people say no to almost everything.”
Brene Brown has found in her research, "The most generous, loving, compassionate people are the most boundaried people."
It's counterintuitive. We are often brought up to believe busyness is a sign of success, the way to get ahead, maybe of being popular, and we don't want to miss out. Illusions of the mind.
If these past few years taught us anything, it is to look at what is truly important to us. Sure, you can go back to the hustle, if you want to.
Clear and firm boundaries:
Allow you to show up as yourself, giving up the nice girl, good girl persona
Prompt you to say no to too many projects
Lead you to create time for your health, family or other parts of your life that are very important to you
Help you get clear on what YOU want – Are you waiting until you’re 50, 60, or 70?
Give you peace of mind and body
Create communication that supports loving relationships
Create clear agreements at work or home
Allow you to give up the, “that’s just the way it is” mantra
Show you the way to remembering yourself
Create FREEDOM
I was meeting with a client recently, talking about boundaries, priorities, and when she declined getting involved in something, she had a powerful insight:
I never have to have that feeling for the rest of my life.
The feeling of allowing pressure to please to dictate decisions.
It was an acute awareness of the freedom to decide when she wanted to say yes and when to say no.
The practice of going inside ourselves yields a personal power and freedom that's unstoppable.
What does internal freedom look like to you?
Far too many women are molding to the beliefs and wishes of others, and they lose sight of their own needs and wants. Watch out, it can be subtle.
How we talk to our daughters or young girls in our lives about being assertive, knowing who they are and what they want, and about expressing themselves is so important, and because there are so many more conversations in the world now about women advancing, we are in an ever evolving stronger position to be even more influential role models.
What would you add to this list?
Reflect on it - what has being clear and firm in your own boundaries offered you or if that hasn't occurred yet in your life, what could be possible?
I’d love to hear from you.
If you are interested in deep personal growth to create freedom, strong relationships, and building a successful business check out my next Bold New Boundaries group here: Ellielanecoaching.com/programs and email me to see if it's a good fit. coachellielane@gmail.com
To your internal freedom,
Ellie