Lies women (sometimes secretly) believe that stunt progress:
1. We need to feel confident in order to be successful.
Sure, it is absolutely great to feel sure of yourself. I think of Tina Turner in her video, whats Love Got To Do With It, strutting in stilettos, a mini skirt, jean jacket, jewels... Ok, I digress, but she has serious I know who I am vibes in that video!
The truth is, confidence is not a requirement. We don't have to wait around, knowing it will come as we look in the rearview mirror. Our negative, critical voices are not the boss of us. Only habit. Or there to protect us from perceived danger. We can hear them and say no, thank you. Acknowledge the old tape that has been running for so long that you began to believe it’s true. See that it is a lie. Do give that part of you some love. Don't try to force it away, or shame yourself.
And do the damn thing you want to do, anyway.
Go on, give it a try. What’s the worst that can happen?
2. We need to manage the whole shebang, and all at once.
WHAAAT? Nope, it’s simply not true and can lead to serious anxiety and burnout, stress, or stressed kids, etc…
Do you need a new threshold for your tolerance? Can you imagine the freedom on the other side of a reset? Decide to delegate or outsource. It’s important to NOT delude yourself into trying to juggle all balls at once.
Though we are more aware now in past few decades that a good juggler can mean a stressed life, there remains quite a lot of hustle culture out there.
Balancing connotes a juggling act and I’ve found this does not equal joy. How about a work life flow instead of a balance?
3. Earning money isn't THAT important.
I’ll be honest, this was me. It didn’t come from a high level of comfort, it came from an early belief in being very frugal. An innocent message I received as a kid.
Early in my career, I decided on being a clinician to help people with mental wellbeing, and I saw that it was a field where not much money was made. I accepted this, telling myself that I didn’t really care about money, and since it wasn’t my priority, over time, I sort of lost sight of it being important at all.
More recently in my life, I started asking myself, is this really true? Which led me to deeply explore and allow MORE of what I wish for. And led me to see the potential SO MANY women have for earning and investing as well. Money for women IS so very important – in fact it can be crucial for having influence and power. Many women highly value other things: we want our work to be meaningful, to work with people we like, to be with friends and family...
but don’t forget about the money. It allows for choice and contribution in bigger ways.
4. An abundant mindset means give freely of myself always!
I should say yes to volunteer when the cause is important to me.
I should accommodate my customers schedules, always.
I should be busy, always.
I should help someone when they ask, always.
While these sound like loving, generous ideas, the always gets up stuck sometimes. Back to the boundaries thing again.
Living abundantly does not have to mean saying yes all the time.
Shonda Rhimes had a year of YES but that's because her sister called her out on always saying no.
Being kind and compassionate does not have to mean saying yes all the time.
I hear this a lot. SO many opportunities to give of ourselves, and although they’re rewarding, they can sneakily pull energy away from… your true calling, making a living, family, any focus that is deeply important to you.
So the next time you are flattered by an offer, an opportunity pulls you in, or someone asks for your help, take a close look at your calendar. And your values. Do they align? Do you neglect yourself yet again if you say yes? Stop fooling yourself -- Do you really have time?
The next time you find yourself twisting and flexing to fit others in, consider yourself in the equation, too.
Boundaries are crucial for mental health and success.
5. Busyness is a badge of honor. I am worthy because I get SO much done.
Well this is a slippery one, right? Who doesn’t feel good getting their to-do list done?
Is your identity based on your to-do’s?
Women do not need to create an identity of worthiness based on a to-do list. Life can be full without every tiny bit of time being used up with busyness.
No doubt there are more lies, but these are a few I hear about often from clients.
Do you have lies you’ve experienced that you’d like to share? Write me back here
Here's to your truth,
Ellie